thursday tunes

I was introduced to the fantastic Nicki Bluhm (aka: Nicki Bluhm & The Gramblers, aka: Tim & Nicki Bluhm, aka: Brokedown in Bakersfield) last year by a dear friend and self-proclaimed all things Nicki Bluhm groupie. And then I caught a Brokedown in Bakersfield show and my life has since been forever changed.



Seriously? SERIOUSLY? That voice is like warm, golden, soulful honey.



...which is only intensified when she (and husband Tim) harmonize in the way that makes me believe in "I do's" and true love and voices that were meant to be together forever and ever. Amen.

Which brings us to The Van Sessions...



Essentially, they cover songs while traveling between shows in their van. May I repeat - IN. THEIR. VAN. I'm telling you, the happiness this brings me is unparalleled. This one is my favorite but all of them are absolutely outstanding. Highly, highly recommended.

that horizon never came, no it never came.

I’m indulging today and allowing myself to listen to this regardless of my other plans which, if you’ve heard this song before, you know is quite a feat to take on. (especially when you have to be in public afterwards.)

I remember the first night I heard this song and it was one of those that left me feeling like there was no air left in the room. Never before had I heard something so emotionally raw to the point where it felt like someone was literally rubbing my insides with sandpaper and directing it straight to my heart. It hurt in that special way that even though tears were streaming down my face - there was a burning hopeful desire smack dab in the middle of my gut that left my entire body feeling like it was on fire.

This song isn’t for everyone, I get that. Even though if I had my way, it would be mandatory listening for everyone because at the core of it all - this song is for anyone who ever felt hopeless. When something happened where your faith (and I mean that in every sense of the word) was tested, and you don’t know how or if you’re going to come out the other side. And then there’s the anger, the frustration and the all-to-familiar loneliness because it seems like the one person that should be there, isn’t.

I could go on and on about this song for days, from the melancholy piano plucking to the raspy and gruff voice that is borderline howling and the lyrics - oh those lyrics. The picture these words paint is uncharacteristically beautiful (my favorite: “I’ll get eaten by the rust, you cremate and breathe the dust / and I’ll weaken your lungs / and I’ll bite off your tongue”) and not something that will leave your mind easily.

[post script: I truly favor the studio version of this song but this one from Bonnaroo is making me reconsider that.]

you were never supposed to leave, now my head is splitting at the seams

Maybe it's just me being completely oblivious (probably true), or the fact that I just have way too much music (absolutely true, if there is such a thing) but I get on these kicks where I stumble upon the musical gems that just so happen to already be on my iPod. Something always triggers it, and then I'm thrown into this musical bliss only to realize that WELL, HELLO SELF. YOU'VE HAD THIS ALBUM IN YOUR POSSESSION FOR MONTHS NOW, AREN'T YOU JUST SO SMART.

My inner self is just as sarcastic and nice as my actual self. I rule!

Case in point: Mumford & Sons

I've had that album for I don't even know how long and then one glorious day, it comes on randomly and kicks me right in the nuts (hypothetically, of course). After the initial reaction of picking my jaw up off the floor and stuffing my heart back in my chest, I realized what I'd been missing. But somehow, the whole discography has been sitting there for months? Weird.

I go off on these "I-need-new-music" sprees, gather recommendations, download (legally, of course), put them on my iPod and then... they get lost and forgotten amongst the thousands (yes, thousands) of songs I already have. But then it all comes back to me when I'm having one of those days then that one song just finds me and soothes something in my soul. Realizing then that I already have more of that artist without even knowing it, feels like I just won the musical jackpot.

I have to lean towards the thinking that in someway, somehow my mind knows that I'll hear that song at one point and I'll need it. I'll need that instant calming and soothing and when I do, the rest will already be there. So basically, not only does my sober self take care of my drunk self, my present self takes care of my future self. Emotionally anyway.

My god, I'm such a catch.

Anyway, TANGENT. Second case in point: Radical Face.

I was introduced via Ryan from Pacing the Panic Room when he shared quite possibly the most perfect wedding video I've ever seen IN MY LIFE. Seriously, watch that and try not to cry.



Moving on, and to make a long story short. Saw the video. Became enamored with the song he used called "Welcome Home". I downloaded, I binged, I forgot. I forgot until last night when I happened to see that Radical Face just released a new EP, so I grabbed my iPod, scrolled to the R's and saw that low and behold, there he was. Already there, and waiting for me to hit Play. I sat back, put this song on and then... almost instantly succumbed to the calm feeling I remember having the first time I heard it, months ago. The tranquility, the peace, the stillness in my soul that I've been relentlessly searching for these past few weeks.

I don't know if it's because I'm just always an emotional basketcase or if it's the fact that my trip is so near (less than 3 weeks) but this song. This song. Oh, this song. It's everything that I need to hear right now. Everything and then some.

Things always have a way of finding their way back to you when you need them, I honestly believe that. I have to. And when things like this happen, it only makes me believe more.

weekend in pictures.

Friday morning I recieved a demand invitation via text to take a little girls-only day trip with M-Squared to Santa Ynez on Saturday for Live Oak 2010. Considering it's pretty much just one huge group of people hanging out, listening to music and drinking / eating all day...of course I wasn't going to turn that down. I've never been (and neither had Maggie) so we had our first Live Oak experiences together! S and K were already set up there camping for the weekend, so it was all good. If I had any outdoors-y bone in my body (or, a badass RV maybe) I'd totally be down for camping. But since I don't sleep outside, use port-a-potties or function in any way without electricity...keeping it to a day trip is where it's at. I'm no Bear Gryllis is all I'm sayin'.



The only bummer? Josh Ritter was playing on Sunday night. I knew this going in, and had kind of succommbed to the fact that I wasn't going to be able to see him so I didn't let it ruin my day. Positive thinking? Maybe. Though I'm sure the 12 beers I slammed had something to do with said "positive thinking" as well.



On Sunday, I saw Toy Story 3 (in 3-D) with B. Who is 22 years old and sobbed her way through pretty much the whole last half of the movie? THIS GIRL. I'm borderline embarassed for myself but IT WAS SO SAD. Who would have thought I'd be able to relate so much to a Pixar movie. NOT ME.

We then went over to our friend Alicia's to hang out and pretty much decided that Sunday's are now going to be pot-luck dinners with everyone. This idea excites me way more than it should, given that I don't cook...ever. Yeah, I'm that girl who obsesses over Rachael Ray (and uh, has had a subscription to her magazine since it first came out) It's not that I don't like to, I'm just horribly lazy and never do. However, I did get down on cutting those carrots and tomatoes for that salad though. My backlog of issues of ED w/ RR will sure come in handy this summer, I think.

But Monday, oh glorious and wonderful Monday. Normally, I hate the day. And this one didn't start off any differently, other than the fact I had to get up earlier than usual to water plants and ended up SHOOTING MYSELF IN THE FACE with the hose. I honestly don't think there's any scenario in the world that's a worse way to be forced to wake up. And this was pre-coffee too so, let's just imagine how well that went over for a second... It's was UGLY.

So, flashforward. I'm driving to work, still flaming pissed / hating the world for the cruel wakeup call I recieved two hours earlier (because you know, it's the UNIVERSE'S FAULT for leaving the hose upturned from the previous morning) and I'm just about to get on the freeway when I see the George's getting off the freeway and motioning for me to turn around and pull over. So, I do. And greet them with some sort of horribly sarcastic and rude remark because again, it was all Kevin's fault I got shot in the face because they were HIS plants that I was watering. The conversation went something like this:

K: "We have something for you"
S: "Yeah, we couldn't wait to give it to you."
Me: "It better be like, 'you got Josh Ritter's phone number for me' good considering I got up early to water your plants this morning and took a shot from the hose STRAIGHT TO THE FUCKING FACE."

I honestly don't know how people can even stand to be around me sometimes, with my charming and polite demeanor and everything.

But then, oh THEN, they pull out this little number:



...and I just started screaming. I mean SCA-REAM-ING. Full on, jabbering incoherantly, can't get out of my car because the door is locked and I don't realize it, OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD SHUT UP. IS THIS HAPPENING BECAUSE THIS CAN'T BE REAL LIFE, I THINK I MIGHT BE DEAD.

Total and complete freak-out ensued. In public. At 8:30 in the morning. And I DIDN'T EVEN CARE. Hearing them talk about his set (it was amazing, he was so good) and how NICE Josh was to all his fans (he's a big hugger apparently, shoot me now) was just awesome. And how they both knew they'd have to go over and get him to sign something for me. It's just, really cool. I didn't expect it and I'm just glad that even if I couldn't be there, they could be to appreciate how awesome this guy is. I can't thank them enough for thinking of me that night.

Suck on that, Monday.

seven minutes, forty seconds.

It's been one of those nights, no, days really where everything just feels off. No rhythm, no flow, just that constant feeling of edginess like the other shoe is going to drop at any given moment. Over what? I wouldn't have the slightest clue. I don't like this feeling.

After dinner and a hangout session with Bethany in my backyard, I still wasn't feeling any better. Usually I feel much more centered and grounded after just mellowing out and taking some time to breathe but there it stayed, that nagging feeling of discontentment and anxiety. So I did the most logical thing I could in said situation: I cracked open a bottle of wine, grabbed my iPod and headed right back outside.

Now, I have a love/hate relationship with my iPod. I love it more than any person probably should. I'm meticulous about organization and upkeep and playlists (can I get a WHORAH! for OCD? Anyone?) Because, and let me stress this with the upmost importance, music is my life. I need it like most people need air and like a fish needs water and if you've met me, you know this. So, there's the love part. The hate part? Well, I honestly and truly believe that sometimes, my iPod tries to kill me.

NO SERIOUSLY. We all have those songs that trigger something within us. Whether it be a good or bad memory, happy or sad feeling - it just stirs up all these emotions that we didn't know we had or mostly in my case, forgot we had / don't want to remember we had. Anyway, it seems that sometimes my iPod is psychic and senses when I am in certain moods so when I put it on shuffle, it plays the songs accordingly. Well, most of the time it's good but when it's bad...it's just baaaaaad. Couple that with my third glass of Two-Buck Chuck (sidenote: yes, I am cheap. It is also Wine Fest weekend and a roommates birthday so this is just prep for the days to come & this does the trick) and it usually gets ugly pretty quick. So tonight I sat down, shoved the headphones in my ears, took a drink and a breath, said a little prayer and hit play.

Seven minutes and forty seconds.

That's all it took for my mood to dissipate and be replaced by a grin so hard my jaw started to hurt. Seven minutes and forty seconds, and it was all over. I didn't need to continue on my quest to make myself feel better, I didn't need to do anything in fact. My heart and head were put right back in place. It caught me by surprise, I wasn't expecting it but I think those are the times where it's the best. When a song catches you so offguard, it just makes it that much better. Seven minutes and forty seconds.

Needless to say, it was a good iPod night.

mytunes.

But please, remember me fondly
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then they went on to say
That the pearly gates
Had some eloquent graffiti
Like "We'll meet again" and "Fuck the man"
And "Tell my mother not to worry"

This song. I just, don't know how to explain it other than saying that it's almost ten minutes of damn near perfection. From the opening with wind chimes to the careful plucking of guitar strings to the subtle harmonies to the eloquent lyrics to the dream like fade out with the slide whistle, it's just 9:31 of pure bliss.

This song always hits me in just the right spot, every single time. I'm always fascinated by the lyrics and the feelings they're able to convey so well. They're heartbreaking and tragic and hopeful and nostalgic all at the same time.  Metaphorically speaking, the verse above is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard.  I tell every one I know to give this one a chance, and I have yet to have someone say that they regretted it.

you're all I need

It was brought to my attention this weekend that the annual Wine Country Half-Marathon that I participated (and um, almost died in) last year is coming up again. I say "coming up" as in oh, two months? And I probably haven't set foot in the gym in twice that amount of time. So, this week marks the week that I start training for the march of death that I will be subjecting myself to yet again this year. Though, two months for "training" is MUCH better than the oh, two WEEKS, we allotted for our "training" last year.  Yeah, that was probably the main reason as to why I contemplated suicide for about a week after the race.

That being said, this song is holding the #1 spot on my workout playlist at the moment. It's fun, addictive and insanely catchy. I dare anyone to listen to it and not dance, just a little bit.

A little bubblegummy, a little early 90's, a lot awesome.

so, california must be depressed.

I think, I've let this week get the best of me. And I do not like it, at all.

It's been dark and gray and raining for the past 5 DAYS STRAIGHT.  Now, I love rain. Well, normally I do and lord knows that we've needed this (well, minus the torrential rain, 65+ MPH winds, mudslides, hail, etc) but I'm starting to get a serious case of cabin fever. There's only so many movies I can watch (favorites from this week include "500 Days of Summer", "New York, I Love You" and "It's Complicated". Still need to watch "Creation" and "Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father") and so many playlists I can make before I go stir-crazy. That being said, a list of some songs that have been getting me through the last week. Goes perfect with a cup of hot tea, buried under blankets with your window cracked just enough to let in the glorious sound and smell of the rain:

rainy days and cover sessions

1. ray lamontagne - allie (you ought to be a married woman now)


2. sara bareilles - gravity


3. bon iver - re: stacks


4. richard hawley - our darkness


5. randy newman - feels like home


6. iron & wine - each coming night


7. volcano choir - still


8. everly - girl in the moon


9. will hoge - goodnight, goodbye


10. patty griffin - waiting for my child


11. peter gabriel - flume


12. matt morris - bloodline

don't let it break your heart.

This song knocked me flat on my ass last night. I mean, literally made me forget to breathe for a minute. It's all I've been listening to this morning and I can't wait to go home tonight and download the album (The Wreckage) in its entirety. It's just what I've needed after these last few days.. an inkling of happiness and hope to pull me out of the iron-tight grips of sadness.

Some dreams stay with you forever
Drag you around and lead you back to where you were
Some dreams keep on getting better
Got to keep believing if you want to know for sure

as we lie here and let the world fade away

I can't wait to see him live. 21 Days!!