one year (+ one day) later.

yesterday marked my official year anniversary of moving. Of changing, and making quite possibly the biggest and best decision that I've ever made for myself. Of finally following through with something that I WANTED and aspired for. And all within this last year, I've grown by leaps and bounds in just about all aspects of my life. All of which, I know that I've spoken about in great depth and detail many, many times. But there really isn't a way for my to truly, and I mean truly, grasp the concept of how I can be the same person yet so different.

When I sit down and really think about it - reflecting back on everything that's happened is quite a trip. I looked through my (written) journal the other night and there is all was, my life chronicled on paper right before my eyes. I found myself getting teary eyed, then angry, then laughing hysterically (what? I can be funny sometimes) and then teary eyed again. The emotions and thoughts that I had were not things I haven't dealt with before, but the way I wrote about them and digested them and tried to work them out was. And it's laid out completely, like I can physically see myself changing through the tone and structure of how I tried to work everything out. It's quite comical. Maybe one day when I'm feeling sassy, I'll scan some stuff in and people can really get a glimpse of how my brain really works (scary thought).


My thoughts on how or why I was able to accomplish this goal of mine, are quite scattered. Obviously, I went through the steps. First, I was able to do this because I am awesome and much more resiliant than I ever gave myself credit for. While this is true, taking into account all the trials and tribulations that I've gone though, had I just had myself to rely on; I came to the conclusion that I would have waved the white flag a long time ago. Okay, so next possibility. I got LUCKY. I'm talking the kind of luck that's more than just winning the lottery type lucky, I mean more along the lines of suffering a 80MPH head on car collision, getting thrown out the window for not wearing a seatbelt, rolling down a hill hitting every tree on the way and landing facedown in a river yet still surviving type lucky. I think I'm making my point here. While this is more likely than the first possibility and I'd agree with it to an extent, it's not exactly right.

So the third, last, and option that I'm going with is the fact that, I pretty much have the ultimate of ultimates, best of the best, most amazing people in my life. Family, friends, you name it - I got the best of it. Now, this obviously refers to the people I see / talk to on a daily basis but it extends to the people that I don't as well. My parents and friends back in Michigan, my best friend in Arizona, etc. All of them have contributed to my success and growth, in every way, at one point or another. Knowing that I have that, and have had that for quite some time now is a pretty awesome thing. I truly know that had it not been for them, I wouldn't have made it this far nor would I probably have wanted to. At the point where I was in my life, I needed a change and these people were directly responsible for helping me make one. That sole fact is something that I'll never be able to repay them for (not that it's expected) but it's something that is so important to me for them to know. This wasn't all my doing, I've done the labor work sure but they've been my backbone. Without them, I would have crumbled.

Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known.
-Chuck Palahniuk

(eta: my new favorite quote.)

So, this year. These past 365 days (well, 366 I guess now) have flown by. I still know that it won't be easy and believe me, I still expect to stumble and fall every now and again but I've got a little weapon now. Whenever that terrible voice of doubt creeps up in my head, all I have to say to it is fuck you, Mr. Doubt! Because I've done this, have been doing this and will continue to do this. Thanks.