playing the numbers game

It's a funny thing when you feel like the weight of the world (or um, future) is lifted off your shoulders. I guess that would be life as we all know it. Or life as most people know it if their name isn't Allison Kelly.

Wow, stop worrying and the crippling anxiety attacks and sleepless nights and bad feelings go away. WHO IS THE GENIUS THAT THOUGHT THIS UP?

I don't know what did it. What brought on this sudden ability of letting go and deciding that allowing things to fall into place is much easier than toiling over it endlessly for hours at a time. Maybe pure exhaustion, maybe comforting words of a friend, maybe realization of the fact that while I may believe that things are bad - they could be MUCH worse. Whatever it was or is, I am not fighting it in the slightest. In fact, I'm embracing it with wide open arms and the same level of excitement that I would have if Jesus Christ himself appeared and told me that not only was I going to win the lottery tomorrow, I would also wake up with the body of Britney Spears and Mariska Hargitay was going to be my new best friend.

...I'm pretty sure that accurately describes just how accepting I am of this feeling at the moment.

But really, I think it's more of recognizing that things are only as bad as I'm going to make them out to be. That I can sit back and whine, complain and bitch as much as I want but as we've all been told throughout our entire lives...that gets us nowhere. The only action is reaction and that's all I can do. At least, for the time being. My newly adapted snarky, sarcastic and probably borderline satanic behavior is pointless and suggests to people that I'm way worse off than what I really am (as it was brought to my attention today due to my inability to think before speaking or in this case, posting on Facebook. Which I will now refer to as the MECCA of taking things out of context) and that just makes things worse.

Irregardless of ongoing shenannigans, it just feels good to have that AHA! moment where I literally feel the crap that I allowed to build up just drop off like it was nothing. That million pound weight is slowly but surely getting lighter by the minute and it feels amazing.

This is what growing up is like..right?