holidaze.

I’ve been a little reclusive lately. It’s been harder and harder to work up any initiative whatsoever to actually do anything or want to get anything done. I’m not quite sure what brings this on, but it usually starts happening around this time of the year. Every year, it’s something.

I used to blame it on the change of the seasons. I’ve never liked winter and the freezing, sub-arctic temperatures that I used to have to deal with didn’t help in the slightest. In fact, that probably kick started my desire to crawl back into my shell. Hibernation even, until the spring when it was safe(er) to come out again. Even if that was the case, it would be a legitimate excuse (if you’ve ever spent a winter on the East Coast, then I know that you’ll understand. The winters there are LEGIT, and I thank god every day that I don’t have to deal with it anymore.)

If that wasn’t enough, November marks the beginning of the holiday season, which I despise more often than not. I’m not a Scrooge or Grinch by any means, but I find the general idea of the “holiday season” deplorable. It’s been so packaged and commercialized throughout the years that the real meaning is so lost in translation (and between the whiny kids begging parents for insanely expensive and unnecessary things) that it’s just not worth it. However, I do absolutely love the idea of finding that PERFECT gift for someone. Maybe it’s just me and my nature but I just love getting it right and giving something thoughtful and meaningful, no matter how long or what lengths I have to go through to find it. I love the atmosphere, where people are just happy to be with each other and spend time together. There are many other things that I love too (um, the food, music, smells, sights, etc) but those two just stick with me in a much bigger way, and fill the void that seems to have crept its way into my life around this time especially within the last few years.

It’s getting easier to recognize when I fall back into that rut of comfortability and isolation and change it. I’m not alone; I don’t have to feel that way. There’s no reason for me to act like I am, you know? My life isn’t that bad. I have it GREAT compared to a lot of other people so for me to mope and feel alone is silly. I’m only as isolated as I make myself, and I’m the only one that can change that.