go FOMO yourself.

I've been thinking a lot about my "social networking" habits lately. Maybe, it's not been so much thinking as actual personal questioning re: where I am online, what I'm doing and most importantly, why I feel this overwhelming desire to CONSTANTLY be connected at ALL TIMES.

I think this stems from an incident that occurred at The Vino House a few weeks back. While watching a movie with B (or, attempting to while simultaneously responding to texts or checking email, Facebook and Twitter every fifteen minutes) I look up at one point to realize that we are both sitting there transfixed by the glow of our iPhone screens and not paying attention to the movie in the slightest.

Me: "Oh my god, do you realize how sick this is? We are such the stereotypical iPhone owners right now."
B: "Yeah, you're totally right. Actually, do you know how I can get three stars on this level of Angry Birds?"

(sidenote: B is a brand-spanking-new iPhone 4 to Verizon owner so, her behavior is acceptable. Me? I'm still rocking an original iPhone since 2008 thus giving me no excuse.)

So, let’s start this again: Hi, my name is Allison and I am a social media addict.

Fact: I am addicted to my iPhone. My morning routine consists of checking email, RSS feeds, Facebook, Twitter and a multitude of newsworthy websites just to get my fix. I’m sure this is somewhat normal for many people, so I really don’t feel too badly about it. Everything I do throughout the day (and then some) consists of using the internet, and that used to not bother me. We live in the age where internet is God and we are all its minions, referencing it for everything and using it for anything. It’s the king of tools and we utilize the SHIT out of it, as we should. With the push of a button we shove privacy aside and place our thoughts, feelings and life on display for any and everyone to be a part of. It gives us a little space in this world where we can connect to people, absolutely, but it also unleashes the inner creep within us all that we’re too ashamed to actually admit exists in real life. But is there really anything wrong with that?

So, back to my original question, why do we do this? To which I must answer completely honestly – I don’t know. Asking someone why they tweet or blog will probably produce a slew of answers ranging from “because I like it” to “well in times such as these I find it oddly peculiar that others don’t take to the internet to voice their concern over the emerging and evident issues arising around the nation as a whole”

… to which I will have to stop, laugh at you and tell you in my total serious voice that “Dude, you take the internet way too seriously to actually exist.”

But then, I get linked to articles like this one and it all makes sense. The internet is a great big party and if you’re not connected in some way, shape or form – you’re missing out. The FOMO the author so poignantly describes is alive and well but it can be fought and won. This isn’t some lame ass high school party where only the “cool kids” are invited and the wallflowers are forced to stay home. Regardless of whether or not you can physically BE at some event is slowly becoming irrelevant when you can pseudo-experience it all from many peoples’ perspectives through a Twitter stream. Of course, there’s nothing better than the actual experience of being there but for those of us who can’t – we’re still included. FOMO is much less when you just accept that fact.

I Facebook (though, much to my disdain as of late), I tweet, I blog. I check a dozen plus websites a day most of which are blogs of people I don’t know in real life. I Netflix (instant play rules my life). I use the internet for it all. It’s the ever-there presence that I love to hate and just can’t quit no matter what. I used to have a problem with that but now, it’s just accepted. Sure, disconnecting myself from it all is sometimes necessary for my own sanity but I’ll never be able to completely let it go.

And why would I want to? The only thing the internet lacks is a nonstop flow of free tequila, though I might then turn into that asshole that just runs their mouth on YouTube and does nothing but embarrass themselves like the idiotic bigot that they are.

Except you know, I’d be much classier. Thanks internet!