Inspiration.

I got to spend all Saturday afternoon with miss Maggie and mommy Megan! We had a fun little adventure downtown until they sky decided to open up and pour down on us and I had to sprint to get my car and pick them up, which ended up being okay anyway because Maggers needed to take a nap and was getting really fussy (which, is unusual for her) so we stopped and got sandwiches and picnicked in the living room while Maggie faux-napped. After which she woke up, ate and gave Megan a hell of a time trying to get her back to sleep.

So, here is where I swoop in and pick her up to try and get her to take a nap which really meant that I was praying she would at least settle down and put my mind at ease of the fact I fear I have no maternal instincts whatsoever. And guess what? With a little butt-patting and soothing, she KNOCKED OUT. It was the best feeling ever when she curled her little head right up under my chin on my chest and finally let sleep overcome her tiny body. I could have held her FOREVER just like that (and um, kind of almost did) until I realized that her mama was so tired and needed a nap too. It was just a really, really good day.

I needed something like that to happen. Lately, I've been questioning a lot of things. My motives, intentions, thoughts, everything. How I love blogging and sharing my thoughts with, pretty much, anyone who feels any inkling of desire to read them but lack the inspiration (and well, talent and adventures) to do so on anything more than a weekly (or, bi-weekly) basis at most. I thought about giving it up because, well, frankly people don't really care. And I've been having a hard time with the fact that I feel so willing and open to share my thoughts and feelings with people that I don't even know but have been recoiling at the thought of actually sharing the same feelings with people that I have and see in my daily life. Not that I'm a closed book by any means (I'm actually quite terrible at hiding my emotions 99% of the time, so everyone knows something is wrong when it is) but... I don't know. I've just been feeling weird about it. So I guess I blog partially in hopes that they'll read it and kind of have an "A-HA!" moment and kind of understand where I'm coming from. Who knows.

But whatever, moral of this story being that since the afternoon I had on Saturday, I've had a DESIRE to keep writing. Not exactly because I want to express my thoughts and feelings to the world but because I want to have a place that I can go to and look back at a week, month, or years from now and be able to remember certain moments and feelings such as Saturday where I, for the first time in my whole life, thought that I could actually do the whole parenting thing. Not now, obviously, but eventually. And that maybe, just maybe, I won't be terrible at it once that time comes. And if that feeling ever changes, then I can go back and reread what I thought and laugh at my foolishness. But as of right now, Maggie has changed the way that I think about a lot of things and I just want to document that and the other moments in my life with such significance.