I'm really sick of playing the adult role in the relationship that I have with my parents. This is moreso with my father than my mother now, but from time to time it's for both. It's obscenely wearing on me and in my opinion, completely unfair. I'm 20 (now, but this has been occurring since I was 18) years old and AM in adult in my own right but I should be making MY OWN adult decisions rather than for 40-something year olds. Am I totally wrong in this thinking?
This is all in response to what happened Sunday between my father and I. He attempted to have (what I wanted to be / was planning on having) an "adult" conversation with me only for it to turn into a round of him firing off asinine questions and me having to defend myself. Over what you may ask? MOVING. The whole situation. See, I hadn't yet told him what I was planning. People may think that's weird but I promise you, with my family it is not. With my father (and most of his side of the family), if something big is to happen like what I am planning on doing, if they are made aware of the situation and it does not have a SOLID plan accompanying it, then that situation isn't taken seriously. Having this knowledge and the desire to make this decision completely on my own, I withheld all of my planning from him until I could talk to him about it with 100% certainty that this was going to happen. This blew up in my face yesterday when he demanded that I sit down and talk to him about what was going on, how I was "alienating" him, etc. Basically, being a baby about this situation. Finally, I just laid it all out for him. Everything.
I really wish that it hadn't happened the way that it did. I wanted an adult conversation where we could DISCUSS and I could answer any questions that he had. Believe me, that's not what happened. It turned into him (and his girlfriend who conveniently thinks that any of this has anything to do with her at all) just coming at me from all angles, firing off questions that didn't even pertain to the discussion and just all around making me defend all of my actions / decisions / choices all while making a huge hypocrite out of himself. My favorite part was the MULTIPLE times he told me that (and I quote) "..you are an adult, can make whatever decisions you want and I cannot stop you" and then LECTURING me on the decisions that I ( an ADULT) am making. Really? If there's one thing that I hate most in this world, it's that bullshit.
Anyway, the conversation didn't even have an end because I frankly, was sick of not being able to discuss anything and I was also walking out the door at the time. I didn't speak to him after that yesterday and I stayed with my Mom last night so I've only seen him at work today. Earlier, I was made aware that he was talking on the phone to someone about me, yet I didn't know to who. I found out that it was my aunt and that was just the icing on the cake.
HE NEEDS TO BE A FUCKING ADULT FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE AND TALK TO ME!
Don't try and get information and involve others when this is clearly between him and I. And I don't care what he says; that blitz attack he pulled on me yesterday morning was NOT talking. It was him being obscenely negative and accusing and me being defensive. That's all. I feel like I'm in high school again but I'm dealing with my father. It's just mind-blowing to me. So now tonight, I'm going to have to attempt another conversation about this with him. I don't even want to at this point. I just want to tell him to go screw himself and I'm done dealing with his antics. But I guess that wouldn't be a very "adult" thing to do, now would it?
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