sweet silver lining.

Things have been tough. Really, really, REALLY tough the last couple of weeks. All of this change and adjusting and everything has just really worn me out completely. Mentally, physically, everything. I'm just 110% worn out from it all. It's been causing a lot of anxiety and stress coupled with everything else going on, it became almost overwhelming and I didn't take to that feeling all too well.

I don't do well with people telling me how to do my job. This (type) of job, is all that I know and what I'm good at. I'm not saying that to make myself feel better or anything of the sort - it's just the truth. I'm good at telling people what they want to hear or what they need to hear and I'm likable. Truth. I've never had one person complain about me, EVER. In the 6+ years I've worked in this business, there has not been one complaint. So forgive me if I'm not completely open to you trying to force the way that you do things on me when in reality, it's obtains exactly the same results. Just... don't. I'm open for constructive criticism always, but other than that? No thanks, try again.

So there was that, on top of a few other things completely pulling my mind in about a million different directions too. So job. I'm still struggling with the decision on going back to school or not. I know that I have to but - I just don't know. I've never been one for it but I know that it's the right thing to do I guess? There's just so much time and what not that needs to be involved in preparation for it and that's something that I just don't have to give. Working 9 hours a day, 5 days a week really doesn't leave me with much time for anything else. So I'm stressed out about that.

My car's fuel pump is going out, apparently. That - is bad. It's not completely out at this point but eventually it will give out and I hope I'm not stranded somewhere that looks like Rapeville, USA with no cell phone service or something to that effect which would happen to me. It's just expensive, and I don't have the funds to do it right now. I'm hoping that it lasts and can hold out for awhile longer...please oh please let it last for a little while.

Mom and Grandma are coming next week to visit. I was completely stressed out about it - because of having to work and worrying about them having a good time and all that but, I'm kind of over that part. I work myself up with things like that when really it's not all that big of a deal. They'll be fine and they'll have a good time, I know it. I've got a ton of stuff planned for us to do in the 5 days that they are here, so that will be nice.

My Dad will be here the 13th-20th of June, and that's what I'm most anxious for. I was talking to Stacy about it last night and it all just kind of came out (like things tend to do when I talk to her, because I can't seem to keep my mouth shut at all) I'm just really anxious to see how things have changed. How the dynamic is different, which I'm sure that it will be. How he's changed and how I've changed and how our relationship has changed after this past year of not being there and me "steering my own ship" (her words, not mine). It'll be interesting, I just don't want it to be akward. Yet another things that's completely out of my control and that I need to let go, yet I just can't seem to.

Thank goodness for having the people around me that I do - I think I would have lost my mind (or quite possibly, have killed someone this week) had I not been able to talk to them. S especially. Considering I go on-and-on about here more often than not, it's just a true fact that I can't not talk to her. Even on Tuesday when I really just didn't want to talk, once she brought it up it was like I couldn't stop. Word vomit just came spewing up and it wouldn't quit. It's really easy for me with her, almost scarily easy to just vent and talk and look for her advice because well, it's good. I hate burdoning her with it, but the response I get...I just, need. Call me selfish, but it's the truth.

Oh well, things are starting to get better. They always do, but it's just hard to get through it at first. The last couple days, I've been walking again with S which has helped tremendously with the stress and anxiety. Just sweating it out and venting a little coupled with lots of laughter (which is guaranteed, more often than not) has pushed me through a little. I can always count on them for that. I'm pretty lucky in that sense.