is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Allow me to be quite candid for a moment.

I’m feeling quite fortunate today. Today of all days where, from the moment I rustled myself out of bed, nothing has gone right in any way; though my heart seems to feel two sizes too big for my chest. It’s a good feeling, a welcomed feeling. A feeling that I take emotional stock of so in a month or two weeks or two days from now when everything has shifted yet again, I can remember.

I’ll remember the moment right before climbing into bed last night, my flushed cheeks feeling just a little too warm but I’m content and fuzzy and smiling on the inside, courtesy of a few glasses of good wine.

(I don’t mind, I prefer sleeping half in and half out of my covers anyway)

I’ll remember waking up a little bit earlier than normal today, and just existing for a moment. Stretched out on my back, hands behind my head feeling both of my lungs fill completely. I’ll note the hesitation before the strong exhale pushes everything back out again, and it feels right. And then I’ll remember the smile.

The smile that appeared unannounced but in an oh-so-completely genuine fashion, simply because I remembered.

The smile was there because I knew that my people, all of my people, were okay. They were breathing easier today for reasons to each their own but their own none the less. And knowing that makes me happy. Happier than well, most anything else I can think of. (Save for maybe a really good glass or twelve of wine, having clean sheets and white cheddar cheese puffs from Trader Joes.)

(I kid on that last part. Well, kinda.)

I can say this with certainty because yes, while I can be slightly overemotional and considered overdramatic sometimes (and by sometimes, I really mean quite often) my people are important to me. Not only because I care so deeply about them but because at the end of the day, it’s just who I am. No matter how many times I’ve tried to rationalize it (“you’re being such a baby, quit worrying about things you can’t control.”) or attempt to put into words just what I feel when this happens (“it’s just..it’s like..I think I just allow myself to FEEL too much.”) it just seems to fall inexplicably short of what I truly mean. And really, I guess, it doesn’t matter as long as I own my feelings, right?

But then sometimes words are exchanged that somehow put it all into place. Regardless of the situation at hand, all at once, the rationalizations and reasoning’s and whatever else comes with it just don’t seem to matter. People say things that flat out knock me on my ass and serve as a perfect reminder as to just why I care so much about my people.

“My family is my life, and I won’t be ashamed of that.”

And that, my friends, is the reason I’m smiling today.