I don't want to do it alone.

I've been pretty stressed out the last week or so. Not being able to fall asleep before 3am isn't my favorite thing. I like my sleep, what can I say?

I may also be in California much sooner than I was planning / anticipating. It's exciting yet frightening at the same time. The only real things holding me back from being completely stoked about it is money and a car. Actually, more car than money. I need a new car before I can really commit to anything and that's had me all twisted up. Though I'm slowly figuring out what I can do to get a car, which includes probably taking out a loan to pay for it. I wasn't freaking out so much about it before because I figured that I had the time (a year) to figure it out but an opportunity has been brought to me that's just too good to resist Luckily, I've got people who are going to help me figure it out which is a huge relief. This whole "being adult" thing is much harder than people make it out to be. As it is now, I hope that I can get a loan and get one. After that, it should be smooth sailing and I'll finally be happy.

I talked with my Mom about it earlier and she seems to think the same. I explained the situation and she kind of talked some sense into me about it or really, told me what I was already thinking which was just reassuring that I would be making the right decision and that things will fall into place. It's just taking that one big step that's the hardest. Words really can't express how happy I am that she's so completely behind me in my decisions. Regardless of whether she (or anyone for that matter) agrees with me or not, I'm doing this for me. It's just nice to not feel like I'm going at it alone. But that's something that I think most of us strive for in life anyway. It's funny that throughout my entire life, I've always been supported but not like this and now when I'm making this huge decision to completely uproot my life and move 2,500 miles away from my friends and family; it's the most supportive they've ever been. At least, that's the way that I feel about it. I just hope that my dad feels the same way once I tell him.

oh and I'm getting $800 back from taxes this year. that always helps.